As people we tend to be led by our emotions. The way we feel at a particular time seriously impacts the decisions we make. We all know that our current life and situation is all a product of the decisions we have made over time.
When we feel good, calm and settled, we tend to make decisions that will sit right with us. However, through my time working with people this is the minority. Most of the time we feel anxious, nervous, concerned, fearful and doubtful. All of the bad things that have happened to us have impacted the way we now process new events in our life.
When I was a young boy of 10 years old, I was obsessed with having the ability to fly. All I wanted to do was fly. So, one day I ran as hard as I could and leaped head first into the air off my balcony because I believed I could do it! We can all guess what happened. I did not fly.
Not the most inspiring story as I am all sure you were hoping I flew right off the balcony. However, there is a lesson in this. There is no way I run towards challenges in life like that now. I am certainly not sprinting towards any balcony edges.
in fact, Leading physiologist David. D. Burns has shown research, that most people get more and more conservative and protective as they get older. Less risks are taken as we age and we tend to have more pessimistic thoughts from our bad experiences. His research is not about staying optimistic, it talks about confronting the facts of a situation through logic. He says that's the way to know how we should feel about something.
We can not feel good all of the time. If that is your goal then you are setting yourself up for failure. Bad things will happen to you. Even if you are a good person. When these things happen, sit with it. Assess the situation in writing on paper. Think about it logically.
This is the relationship between the world and how you feel.
WORLD - A series of positive, neutral and negative events.
THOUGHTS - You interpret the events with a series of thoughts that continually flow through your mind. This is called your 'internal dialogue'.
MOOD - Your feelings are created by your thoughts not the actual events. All experiences must be processed through your brain and given conscious meaning before you experience any emotional response.
This shows us that we need to 'understand' what is happening to you before you can 'feel' it. If your understanding of what is happening is accurate, your emotions will be normal. If your perception is twisted or distorted in some way, your emotional response will be abnormal. Depression falls into this category. It is always a result of mental 'static' - distortions.
With this information it shows that for us to have legitimate feelings of feeling good, we must first have an accurate understanding of the world events so that we can feel in kind.
The way to emotional control is through ensuring your understanding is correct and not jumping to conclusions through panic and distortion. This is where you can use tools and help from professionals.
Here are some tools that can help you tune out of your distortion and give you clarity on an event. https://www.psychologytools.com/professional/therapies/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt/
The more clarity you have on the events that happen in your life, the better you will feel. You can't control what happens to you but you can control how you feel about them and the actions you take.
Stop, pause, reflect, challenge your thinking and go again.
*Disclaimer: Individual results vary based on agreed goals. Click here for details.