Last week I listened to a podcast, which was recommended to me by my colleague Jason - "The Property Couch".
In this particular episode there was a special guest, Jaemin Frazer. He discussed hardships, pain & insecurities and how to tackle them to achieve exactly what you want! Here is what I learnt.
Hardships, pain & insecurities, we all have them. One of the major contributing factors is social media as it now influences our way of life and pushes us to "be a certain way". People portray themselves as having a "perfect life" and everyone is afraid of being exposed as being inadequate, an imposter, or lacking ability - like these are some sort of negatives.
Jaemin spoke about coaches and their benefits, the conversation leant itself nicely when relating to the health and fitness industry. Individuals join Vision Personal Training seeking someone who can help them achieve their goals and build a strong sense of self - away from the judgmental world we live in.
It really resonated with me in that we are all working towards being our best self. That will look different for everyone but a coach is able to help you see your potential and help you work towards reaching it.
As a trainer, we do really care about our clients and want to see every single one succeed. We really are here to serve you.
Our goal is to create a judgment free space that encourages you to work hard, for the exercise to be tough but fair - for you to be honest about the current reality you are living in, in order for you to get the desired outcome.
Every single one of us has exactly what we need inside already, the key is to identify what you do well and maximise on that.
As a coach it is important when guiding a client that in time we work together to face insecurities, as these are the things that have led each of us to where we are. It's in our human DNA to pretend not to be aware of this deeper level/driver or function of pain e.g. fears, it's scary and we want to avoid them as often as we can.
It's easy to blame yourself which isn't a bad choice but it won't get you anywhere - it won't serve you well. Responsibility will give you what you want. Responsibility is the only way out. By committing 100% to facing exactly the thing that's turned you away from being your best self for so long, you will start to make progress. Here at Vision we call it playing above or below the line - are you someone who takes ownership, accountability and responsibility or do you blame, have excuses and deny?
Here are Jaemin's top 5 tips on reaching your highest potential:
- BE VERY CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT:
- The harder you work around that objective, the easier it is to achieve it!
- It pushes you into a space where you can fail. People then settle due to fear - What steps can you put into place to make this experience less fearful?
- Everything comes with a price - you can have anything you want so long as you are willing to pay the costs, you can have it!
- To desire is human! We all want something, and we can all have what we want.
- WORK WITH YOURSELF, NOT AGAINST YOURSELF:
- Self-discipline works on the fact that you are lazy or not driven - leading us to treat ourselves negatively.
- Instead, stop and understand what the resistance is that you are creating.
- Resistance = keeping ourselves safe, protection strategy - it's a way of staying in the safe zone.
- Switch our mindset and provide self-permission as a deeper form of motivation - which is absolutely unlimited! You determine this!
- STATE MANAGEMENT:
- Manage your energy, not your time!
- If you can control your state, you can control your outcome - positive state = positive outcome. Negative state = negative outcome.
- Peak performers understand that in order for you to get your goals and hit amazing targets you have to be at your best.
- If you're not in a great state, then you won't be at your best.
- Anxious, flat, frustrated and tired - the door shuts on creativity, wisdom and insight.
- If you're peaking - the door is wide open.
- Being "out of form" is an issue of state - MANAGE THE STATE - YOU control this - it doesn't mean you've lost your 'skills', it just means you're in the wrong state.
- Don't let others or other things control your STATE.
- Know your triggers to put you in your PEAK state
- If it takes 2 hours to get into your state but allows you to be at your best/peak state for the rest of the day - then use the 2 hours!
- Match your state with the outcome = what do I need to do, to have access to that? Music, good breakfast, specific perfume, your favourite underwear or shoes!
- Go where the life is, what gives you life - do that!
- Reset if you're bumped off track!
- Trust yourself, trust your own wisdom, give yourself permission - live by energy management rather than time management!!!
- Manage your energy, not your time - refrain from using the word "busy".
- BE INTERNALLY REFERENCED, RATHER THAN EXTERNALLY REFERENCED:
- 6 human needs - Certainty, Uncertainty/Variety, Significance, Love & Connection, Growth, Contribution
- These are the drivers for all we do
- If you are unaware that you are meeting these needs usually you are meeting them externally - through things, other people, things outside of your control. The moment they aren't working well for you, you are in lack again, driving a lot of dysfunction.
- Significance - people meet this need externally "when you like me" "when you validate me" "Give me feedback I'm doing the right thing"
- Even when someone does affirm or validate, it doesn't last - you then crave more
- Neediness is the least attractive quality - externally referenced
- Be internally referenced - take 100% ownership for meeting all these needs yourself
- Nothing to prove, nothing to pretend - own your value! Don't contract it out to the world - positions you very powerfully - no one will take that away.
- Self-love is the foundation of all loving relationships!
- LET GO OF JUDGMENT - SELF JUDGMENT:
- Intention of self-judgment is a protection strategy.
- If I judge myself or beat myself down first, it takes it off the table for someone else to do it.
- We only protect that for which we love. Form of self-love, strange form of self-love but the positive intention nonetheless. When people realise this, we think there has to be a better way of loving myself and judging myself.
- Take judgment off the table, then it opens up self-awareness. You can't have self-judgment and self-awareness at the same time.
- When you're trying to look internally and fear judgment you'll never be honest.
- Take judgment off the table, you can come out of hiding and explore what is actually going on - awareness is 90% the key. If you can't see it, how can you possibly change it?
- We don't do bad things because we are bad people, it's because we are needy people and we haven't found a better way to meet that need.
- Take judgment off the table and review why you do certain things, then use awareness to do things differently.
Culturally, emotionally, rationally - we think we are broken, so we manage, mask and medicate so it doesn't manifest - the results we are getting in our lives are the exact results our system is producing - people work perfectly. They may not be the results you want, but they are the results you have created.
Take judgment away!
The story you are living out of - the result is replicating so it's the only result you can expect.
CHANGE THE STORY!
A rocket ship towards Mars is only on track 3% of the time, as humans we have these expectations and the moment we get off track, we think we've failed. We need to build into our minds that we are going to be off track more than we will be on track. To be ok with this we need to remove judgment, make necessary course corrections and realise that the more often we do it the less course corrections we have to make. Re-align yourself, pick yourself up and get back on track.
You can have what you want; it is possible to create a life you don't need to escape from. We all go through the same challenges, just in different ways. The way forward is simple but it doesn't mean it won't be hard - set up the right framework for you. Don't switch off your humanity and settle for what you've got.
*Disclaimer: Individual results vary based on agreed goals. Click here for details.